Like anything in life, in order to be successful at building a cuckold relationship you should do your homework and understand what they're all about. This is probably the best explanation I found on the subject. It was well worth the time to read.
The Science of Cuckold Marriages
By sex
therapist & relationships counselor Susan Gower
After studying human sexuality for many years it has become
inarguable to me that a cuckold relationship (in which the wife engages in
sexual activity with a variety of men while her husband remains faithful) is
most compatible with basic human evolutionary make up. It is straying from this
evolutionarily grounded human bonding relationship that has produced such
misunderstandings and conflict between the sexes.
At the very base of this principle is the understanding of a
woman’s psychological need for a variety of sex partners. Women are literally
hardwired differently than men. A woman has a dual sex drive. The first is
centered on finding a mate for life to help support her and her offspring. This
is why (and when) love is such an important part of a women’s sexual desire.
The second is a desire to obtain a variety of the best genetic material to
produce the healthiest children. This second desire becomes stronger once a woman has secured her life
mate, and grows stronger as time with him progresses. Eventually, this more
powerful drive exceeds her sexual desire for her life mate. This is essentially
why a woman’s sexual desire for her husband is well known to diminish over
time. At the same, it is normal for her
to feel a subtle but very real increase in her sexual desire for other
men.
With the creation of a stable home
environment in which to raise her children, there is a clear physiological
shift toward a womans desire to mate with the best man (or men) available to
her, for their contribution of superior genetic material. This natural fact does not make her immoral,
or mean that she no longer loves her husband. It is simply part of her basic
genetic code.
Contrary to societal contrivances to the contrary, these physiological
sexual differences between men and women also seem to support the cuckold
relationship as one ideal for a marital relationship. It is well known that
women don’t reach her sexual peak until they are in their thirties, while men
peak by the time they are twenty. In a typical marriage, a wife is generally
younger than her husband or the same age. As a result, a woman’s increasing
sexual appetite, due to her biological age, creates stronger sexual drives than
her husband. As a marriage continues through
the years, this discrepancy in sexual drives typically increases, sometimes to
the point of a wife finding little or no sexual satisfaction with her husband,
and secretly turning to extramarital encounters.
Nature reinforces this physical need by providing women with
the ability to experience a far greater quantity, intensity, and variety of
sexual orgasms than men. This is nature’s way of motivating a woman to seek out
sexual activity, even at the risk of being caught by her life mate. Women experience a diversity of orgasms,
including clitoral and vaginal.
Additionally, women have the ability for multiple orgasms. While this simple pleasure is often
recognized as the result of efforts by the woman's partner, it has been
theorized that this trait actually is a natural function designed to allow a
woman to participate and enjoy sex with multiple partners over a short period
of time.
On the other hand, men are far simpler sexually. His sex
drive grows will simply grow stronger the longer he goes without sex, with a
singular, simplistic orgasm resulting.
Since he needs a consenting female in order to engage in sex, his desire
for her sexually is directly linked to this need for her to consent.
Over time his need for sexual release can become overwhelming, and his
desire to gain her consent by pleasing her increases proportionally to his
level of sexual frustration. He is
content mating with any female he finds desirable, and is perfectly capable of
being content with having sex with the same female for life, providing certain
motivations are provided.
Furthermore, men can get nearly the same level of
satisfaction from masturbating or oral sex as the do completing a sex act with
a woman. For women however, masturbation
and oral sex provide only temporary relief.
Women do require sex with a partner in order to be fully satisfied, both
psychologically and physically.
There
have been numerous clinical studies documenting positive emotional responses to
the presence of male sperm in the female vagina. Theory suggests that certain hormones
contained in the seminal deposit illicit both physical and emotional changes in
a woman's own hormone levels. While not
completely understood, these studies do support the theory that a woman's most
satisfying sexual experiences result from intercourse with a male, resulting in
his ejaculation.
One might think that these conditions present arguments for
an open marriage in which both a wife and her husband find sexual partners
outside their marriage. But the idea of
open marriage assumes the erroneous notion that men require a variety of sex
partners, and that women are tolerant of their men mating with others. However,
neither assumption is typical.
While the evidence clearly suggests that a married woman is instinctively
inclined to seek sexual partner(s) other than her long term mate in order to procreate with males carrying the best genetic material, a man has a sexual drive that is
easily manipulated.
The genetic programming that drives a man is largely based on
the thrill of pursuit, not the need for variety. Men are designed to compete. They compete in every aspect of life. Not only do they compete in their workplace,
but they compete even in their hobbies.
It's hardly incidental that men enjoy watching or participating in
sporting events.
Most importantly though, men compete for their female. Husbands who’s desire for their wives have
waned over time, or even shifted to other women, can be completely reversed
with one simple change – the introduction of a competing male vying for their wife's attention.
In study after study, married men responded consistently when
exposed to stimuli that include another man's attention to the wife. This trigger awakens their instincts to
compete and they literally rise to the occasion. Their focus reverts solely back to their
wives, and they lose interest in other women.
The wives in some studies were able to deliberately vary their husband’s
level of interest through increasing or decreasing their interaction with other
men.
It was further found that when these same wives reverted back to
traditional sexual practices with their husbands, their husbands began to lose
interest and once again showed interest in other women as possible sex
partners. The mere possibility of
competing for her with another man consistently and predictably reinvigorates
his desire in a man. Common belief holds
that men are born to cheat. However
these studies clearly show that men are born to compete.
In one study (Hill, Leeson 2004), there is also a clear
correlation between sexual desire and the absence of the woman from the
relationship, supporting the age-old axiom that “absence makes the heart grow
fonder”. This pattern introduces a
possible correlation between sexual denial and resultant arousal. An extended
absence makes more than just the heart grow.
It dramatically increases the need of a male to mate with his
partner.
The introduction of the possibility of the woman straying
sexually during her absence invoked a much stronger response in the male, to
the point that it totally altered his behavior. This study supports the belief
that men can indeed become physically aroused by the mere possibility of their wife cheating on them in
their absence, which is actually one of the cornerstones of the Cuckold
lifestyle.
Once a husband feels these competitive forces awaken within
him, he becomes singularly focused on pleasing his wife,and seeking her
constant approval and sexual consent.
This is another simple concept that drives the Cuckold relationship. Even in relationships where the couple may
not recognize why it occurs, it usually doesn't take long for them to recognize
how it can affect their intimate relationship.
A husband will readily and predictably respond to the threat
of competition, whether real or imagined.
A wife can use that competition to help mold a sexual relationship that
proves sexually satisfying for both of them, while insuring relationship
stability and her husband's fidelity all at
the same time.
The involvement of another male into the relationship has
additional benefit, other than the obvious sexual benefits to the wife and the
resultant stability to the relationship. Some men expressed relief that their
wife was being satisfied by another, being relieved of the pressure to perform
as her primary sex partner. The older
the husband becomes, the more this motivation is mentioned.
Our modern morals and the roles imposed both sexes by society
are not only aberrant behavior given our genetic makeup, but psychologically
unhealthy. Marriage itself is an artificial construct that conflicts with natural human programming. It is unfair that a woman is forced to repress her natural sex drive
which is genetically embedded over a millenia. Doing so places undue strain on what is viewed
by society as the “traditional” marriage and surely contributes to the rate of
marriage failures. We've created a
society in which women often struggle with guilt and frustration over their
natural sexual needs.
Perhaps we need to
consider embracing the Cuckold lifestyle as a healthy, natural relationship. Indeed, I believe that I may have saved marriages in my
practice by gently introducing the idea and practice of cuckoldry to struggling
couples. I have seen female patients rediscover a side of themselves they
thought was lost, becoming more centered, calm and confident in both themselves
and their marriage.
Similarly, once a husband gets past his initial concerns,
they become calmer and more focused on the relationship. Rather than seeking the temptation of
satisfaction outside the marriage, the husband soon derives all of his sexual needs
from and through his wife and her extramarital “adventures”.
Introducing the competitive aspect of another man into a
Cuckold marriage, a woman can readily alter her husband's behavior back to the
days when they were first dating.
Husbands become more focused on their wife, and maintain a higher state
of arousal for her, and attention to her, once the possibility of another man
enters the relationship.
Last, Cuckold marriages can evolve into a great variety of
preferences. In my own practice I have seen them range from those in which
cuckolding wives enjoy dating in private, to those who enjoy having sex with other
men in front of her husband, and just about everything in between. However, almost all the couples in my
practice have very loving marriages with a playful sense of arousal that seem
conventional in every way except that the wife sees other men, while her
husband remains monogamous and faithful to her.
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